Fried Green Tomatoes

Of all the movie characters I've seen in forty-some years of movie watching, I'd most like to be Idgie Threadgood in Fanny Flagg's "Fried Green Tomatoes". Idgie was a tomboy's tomboy, tough, fearless, and pretty. Idgie, at about the age of 8, developed a crush on her teenage brother's girlfriend, Ruth Jamison. When her brother died tragically, Idgie went a little wild. She stayed that way for several years until Ruth arrived to bring her back into the civilized world. Idgie loved her. She gently wooed her by taming bees and giving Ruth their honey. And after a movie's worth of complication, they shared a home and raised a child together.

I love this movie because it's the life I want to live. The movie downplays sexuality and focuses on the character of Idgie as a woman of deep love and loyality, a fun, generous member of her community. While Idgie and Ruth clearly loved each other, and built a life together, there were no labels attached to them. It just was. That's it.

I love a lot of people; I know at least a few of them love me back. And every now and then, I love someone, a woman, with more parts of my heart than usual. I can feel it deep in my chest. The love feels so big in there, and so sweet, that I want to pour it out like Idgie's river of honey. With the sweet, comes the protection of a mother bear and a guareented, forever after unconditional devotion, no matter how the story ends.

My life would go from good to near-perfect if there came a time when my heart was feeling bigger than my chest could hold, and the woman I loved, loved me back just as big. After a time we'd quietly begin to share a life together. Everything would go on as normal, and I'd be Shelley and she'd be she, and nobodied see any different.

I've been trying to live that life for as long as I can remember. Loving for me hasn't been about sex; it's been about devotion and loyalty and the pleasure of another's company. I'm not saying I'm asexual, just that loves been more about a gentle touch than a giant orgasm, and that, I don't want my life defined by sexuality.

I am who I am because of the way I've always loved. If I loved men, the way I love some women, I would be different. I can't say exactly how; that answers in a life that never happened. I just wouldn't be the person that I'm happy to be today. I'm stubborn and I know I won't change. I don't want to. I may tell you my sexual status, just to get it out of the way, just so you'll know I won't be bringing a man with me to supper; but I won't live a life defined by my sexual status. I won't. It's not how I think; it's not how I want to think.

I want to live like Idgie. When Ruth comes to pull me out of the wild, or if she's swimming in the lane beside me, or smiling at me in a Yoga class; I'll be ready. My heart will expand, the honey will flow, and I'll give myself to her. It'll be quiet, though my friends and family will cheer. They'll breathe a shy of relief. Cause they've been waiting for Ruth just about as long as I have.